“We often confuse what we wish for with what is.” Neil Gaiman, MirrorMask
Wishing doesn’t necessarily make it so – but it could take you a long way – in both the most positive and the most negative sense. The wish, dream, projection of your reality could be just the thing that you need to drive you harder to reach your objective and heart’s desire. On the other hand, a projection of reality that distorts can take you way off your course. What this teaches us every day is to assess the situation, world and people around us and take stock: Are we seeing things clearly? Are we seeing things the way they really are? Are we seeing things the way we want them to be to pave the way for future success? Are we seeing things out of focus and thus pursuing a path that will lead to a dead end?
It’s not uncommon for my entrepreneurial clients to hope to grow a small business into a large company that “runs itself” by which they mean that a hired manager handles day-to-day business while the client takes care of family, charitable causes and personal life. This is a distortion of reality. It’s like saying that you want to be Ted Turner the philanthropist without first being the hands-on leader of CNN. Anyone who has expectations or distorts reality in this way will fail. Reality is that you must be prepared for really hard work; your business can grow, but projecting the future is not enough. So, you must realign your expectations with the reality of how much work you are willing to put into reaching your ultimate objective.
Another frequent expectation that doesn’t necessarily align with reality is how much money a person wants to make. We often measure success in dollars, when success is more appropriately measured in a feeling of accomplishment. How much money do you really need to satisfy yourself? Would lowering that demand on yourself make you feel more satisfied, secure and positive? If so, it could be time to redefine your expectations.
You can also unwittingly distort your reality by misdefining your objective. For example, I have a client who is Canada on a foreign work visa which is due to expire. She defined her objective as getting her employer to find a way for her to stay in Canada. Upon further exploration, however, we found that her real dream was not to stay with her current employer, but to stay in Canada. By redefining her dream, we opened up a world of possibilities. Now she doesn’t have to restrict her quest to her existing employer. Rather, she can look for another job, another location, another means of staying in Canada.
Or suppose your mind sees you as losing 20 or 50 pounds. That might be a reasonable objective if your metabolism and genetics allow it. Suppose, however, that your physical make up will never allow you to maintain such a low weight. This is a perfect opportunity to redefine your reality in a positive way so that you are satisfied, healthy and happy all at the same time. Like my friend who is happy in her long-distance relationship, you can learn to be happy even though your body image isn’t “ideal.” Project instead that being fit and healthy is not the equivalent of being skinny. Then, work on the fit and healthy part – you can do it. Now reality and dreams are aligned and your mind can rest, and no longer hold you back.
We all have dreams, wishes, hopes and expectations. You can use the conscious part of your brain to control the outcome and make you happy and satisfied if your projections fit a reasonable and undistorted view of reality. Take a moment and think through what makes you happy or what may be holding you back. Keep in mind that you control your own thoughts and the way in which you look at life. Tweak your reality to fit what is possible and see whether you feel relieved in your new perspective and viewpoint. If you feel a sense of calm, a sense that you have defined something reachable and satisfying, a sense your wishes and reality are aligned, you are going to move forward. Now your mind can produce positive, meaningful, long lasting and life changing results.
About The Author: Certified Executive Coach and CEO of Clear Intentions International, Dr. Barbara Schwarck coaches CEOs, leaders, and professionals to have profound breakthroughs around performance, personal satisfaction and change. She is the creator of Neuro Emotional Coaching® a cutting edge coaching tool rooted in neuroscience, emotional intelligence and its implication for leadership. She is also the author of From Intuition to Entrepreneurship: A Women’s Guide to Following Her Dream. If you are an executive or thought leader who is ready for a breakthrough, go to www.clearintentions.net.